Alison Garwood Jones

McSweeney’s found me

January 17, 2012

While I was waiting to hear from some of my editors yesterday, I made soup and messed around on the internet.

Later that afternoon, I  went to the library and pulled a book off the shelf that looked interesting only to discover a painting of me inside its pages (I haven’t sat for anybody). Turning to a random book for inspiration only to find that you were someone else’s inspiration is an oddly circular experience.

The book, More Things Like This (2009) is an anthology about the intersection of art, writing and humour.

 

It was edited by Dave Eggers and is one of the McSweeney’s anthologies published by Chronicle Books out of San Francisco. It contains a marvelous culturally contexualized introductory essay by New York Times theatre critic Michael Kimmelman and contributions from Art Spiegelman, Andy Warhol, Shel Silverstein, Kurt Vonnegut, Leanne Shapton, and more. Yes, folks, I’m milking this big time ’cause making it into the pages McSweeney’s (even as a silent sitter) is like getting the thumbs up from The New Yorker, only I never thought I would be in McSweeney’s this way.

Is it just me or is this me?

I’ll let you be the judge. The painting, called ” Poster Maker,” is by The Royal Art Lodge, a hip and now defunct art collective out of Winnipeg and one of the contributors to the anthology.

Now turning to the snapshot below: this is me, age 6, drawing a giant milkshake. I was playing at my dad’s office while he talked to important people on the phone.

Unlike the painting above, there was nothing subversive about my message, except, maybe, for the delivery. I remember those stubby markers made a deafening squeak every time I coloured in the solid areas. I coloured my arm off for the same reason I attached cardboard squares with clothespins to my bicycle spokes — so I could sound badass even if I couldn’t be badass (how could I? I had  handlebar streamers and a  basket on my bike).

p.s. If the painting is me, I think one of the guys in the Lodge saw it in an issue of Elle Canada several years ago. When an editor in chief doesn’t feel like writing a monthly message, they ask the other editors on staff to find a kid pic and we throw them on the page to delight and amuse the readers.

Update: if you want to find out what happened, here’s the whole story.

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Fotoshop by Adobé

January 12, 2012

Thank you Jesse Rosten for this zeitgeist-y spoof of the beauty biz and self-esteem industry.

Being female never gets old.

 

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Hat tip to DB Scott for posting this on his blog.

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Resolution check-in

January 10, 2012

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And now: James Franco, novelist

January 5, 2012

It has just been announced that James Franco has sold his first novel to e-tail giant Amazon. The reaction to the actor, his energy levels and the injustice of it all is entertaining on its own.

 

 

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Smoking frieze

January 3, 2012


Photo: “Smoking Frieze” taken by my pal Keith Mulvihill, West 19th Street, NYC, January 3, 2012

 

Why should we use all of our creative power? Because there is nothing that makes people so generous, joyful, lively, bold and compassionate, so indifferent to fighting and the accumulations of [too many] objects and [too much] money.

Brenda Ueland

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Looking back

December 28, 2011

I end 2011 …


Photo: Ryan Faubert/ Effects: Picnik.com

 

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Send me yours

December 27, 2011

 

©AGJ on Sketches

The meaning of “fruitcake” has run the gamut of mostly derogatory definitions:

a) A limp-wristed man

b) A stupid boss (usually referring to a female boss)

c) A brick of cocaine

d) A guy with a penchant for snug, and I mean really snug pants (see “a”)

e) A sexual act I’d rather not describe

f) Someone who’s one sandwich short of a picnic

g) A nickname for former Mayor of New York City, Rudolph Giuliani

h) And back in the day, a Johnny Carson punch line

And my favourite definition: a cake packed with candied fruit, toasted nuts, spices and rum that tastes epic with a steaming cup of tea.

Be nice, people. And eat up!

 

 

 

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Merry Christmas

December 23, 2011

Earlier this week I was sitting inside a glass bus shelter when a crowded school bus came to a halt. A little girl, up on her knees and facing the window, was drawing pictures in breath clouds on the glass. When her cloud evaporated, she stopped staring at the window and looked through it to see me sitting there. She looked right at me and smiled. I smiled back. Then she mouthed, “Merry Christmas” and waved.

That was my seasonal grace note.

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Thinking outside the box

December 19, 2011

 

 

Window shopping this weekend I noticed a trend in wall hangings: large, white cardboard cutouts of the Canadian provinces, especially the trio of Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba.

It got me thinking: if you only bought Saskatchewan, no one would know what the rectangle on your wall signified.

Cartography is a human invention, an act of civilization. That got me thinking even more.

Weather shapes human behaviour and self-expression. We often  talk of southern cultures and northern, and expressly seek out the sun and warm breezes of southern climes to loosen up and relax.

But I often wonder how cartography shapes us. In other words, does how we chop up what nature has served up (mountains, lakes and plains) affect how we model our own realities?

Did the grid pattern of ancient land surveyors, for example, forever stamp the imagination of its settlers?

The midwest in Canada and the US is often criticized for being so straight-laced and fixed in its thinking, especially during political campaigns. Distance from port cities where there’s an easy exchange of ideas and goods can explain the midwest mindset, in part …

But does your overall shape affect your self-image too?

Imagine hailing from a box!

Nineteenth-century surveyors could have arbitrarily drawn a kink or two in Saskatchewan’s or Wyoming’s borders. But no. Straight arrows all. When there’s nothing in the landscape to go around, does that still the mind or numb the imagination?

And what of the countries or states that defy or were denied division by grid? Like Norway or the Netherlands.

Do craggy coastlines and cockeyed counties make for more squirrely inhabitants?

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The year of living dyingly

December 16, 2011

Christopher Hitchens (1949-2011)

©AGJ on Sketches

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